Yyyyyy--no.
There's a few unwritten rules when it comes to making a good flash movie, and this breaks a few of them.
For example, there is never a good time to use "LOL" in a Flash.
Also, grammar is your friend. Even if you're not that great in English class, double-check your work. It'll at least create the illusion that you've got a lot more smarts than most of the people who submit crap into the portal.
The humor's a bit overplayed as it's been done before, but don't get me wrong. This isn't a BAD flash.
It isn't all that great, either.
Keep working on it.