Bleh.
I didn't find this flash very interesting. Overall, I found it rather dull. The visuals weren't very eye-catching at all. The mix of text only and text with voice over is actually something I'd toss into the "awful" bin. There were mispellings and grammatical errors all over the place. In some places, the voices were rather soft and/or unintelligible.
To be fair, I'll give you the fact that you made something that's better than what cannon fodder usually appears late-night.
Find some VAs. Friends love helping out.
Get someone to proofread your work--it doesn't matter if you're an English major or if you sucked at the subject in school; get someone else to go through and proofread it. Nothing says "I'm stupid" better than an article with noticable errors.
Improve the visuals. The colors used for character elements were rather unappealing and often clashed harshly. You may want to reconsider the shaping of the eyes used--it looked rather awkward. If you're going to animate mouths/lipsync, please don't use just the teeth. It looks halfassed.
This review might seem a bit harsh, but considering that I usually don't comment on people who don't try at all (the really bad) and people who don't have to try (the really good), I guess that you should take this as one of the constructive criticism reviews. I think you can go far and do better, just keep at it and don't become complacent.